8 Year Anniversary!

My wife Jessica and I are celebrating our 8 year anniversary today.

A brief rundown of the places we have lived since getting married:

-2 weeks in Kreidler Hall (Dorm at PLU in Tacoma, WA)

-3 months apart (me in Ecuador, Jessica finishing her degree at PLU)

-7 months in Cuenca Ecuador

-2 months house-sitting in Lakewood, Washington (when we got back from Ecuador, free housing)

-3 months apart (me in Juneau, AK working for Alaska Airlines, Jessica finishing her teaching contract in Kent, WA)

-1 year in Juneau, AK

-7 months in a rental house in Denver

-5 years in our current house in Englewood, CO

What a fun and incredible ride it has been! My wife has been an amazing partner through all of these moves, times apart and my myriad of career/job/life direction changes. If you want to test the durability of a marriage, I strongly recommend the moving schedule above combined with one spouse getting laid off and changing jobs 4 times in the past 8 years. (Can you say adult-onset ADD?)

Along the way we have:

-Earned a combined total of 3 masters degrees (I won't tell you who has which, but you can probably figure it out.)

-Adopted an incredible dog who is like our child, "Sol."

-Traveled and/or lived together in: Ecuador, Peru (2x), Mexico(3x), Dominican Republic, Canada, Alaska, Hawaii, 7 other western States, 5 mid-western states

-Sea-Kayaked in the Northern Pacific ocean, Sea of Cortez/Gulf of California, many lakes and the South Platte River

-Owned a Bronco 2, Volvo 240, Ford Explorer, Subaru Impreza Sedan (for 1 month), Subaru Impreza Wagon, Ford Escape Hybrid

Some wisdom/advice after 8 amazing years of marriage:

-APPRECIATE your partner; appreciate everything that s/he does for you and for the relationship from the daily mundane of unloading the dishwasher or picking up the dirty clothes to the big stuff like supporting you when you get laid off or your family is falling apart. ALWAYS express that appreciation.

-BE there to support your partner. Sometimes that means just listening at the end of the day. Jessica doesn't always want me to solve her problems, sometimes she just wants to get them off her chest.

-CUDDLE. Physical contact has amazing powers of healing and connection.

-DELIGHT in each other. Really take joy in your partner and look forward to the time you get to spend together.

-EAT meals together. You really have to be intentional about this. Sit at the table and turn off the TV.

-FIGHT FAIR. Sounds strange, but be comfortable with having disagreements and arguing about it. That is healthy. But don't bring up past events and don't keep something bottled up inside until you blow up. Bring it up when it makes you mad, fight about it, but fight fair.

-GO on dates. Again, be intentional about this, but make the time and space to reconnect. It doesn't have to cost a lot, but it has to be an intentional time for the two of you to do nothing but focus on the two of you.

-HOLD HANDS. Back to that amazing power of physical contact.

-INVEST in the relationship. A good relationship is truly an investment of time and energy, but it is so worth it. Small, intentional investments in the relationship can pay long-term dividends.

-JOVIALITY Staying cheerful to each other in spite of what life may throw at you

-KINETIC. We are always in motion, but working at moving together. Synchronize your actions.

-LINE-ITEM VETO. Ok, this may take a little explanation, blame the political scientist in me. When your spouse is critiquing or criticizing part of an idea you have, don't immediately get defensive and take it as a criticism of you or of your whole idea. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt and allow them a "line-item veto" while not undermining or feeling criticized about your idea as a whole or you as a person.

-MAKING OUT. Don't ever stop kissing, hugging, touching. Remember when you were first dating and everything was fresh and new. Don't lose or forget that feeling. Sometimes it is fun to just make out like a couple of teenagers.

-NOSTALGIC. Don't forget the good times. When the going gets tough, it becomes easy to focus on the negative, but be nostalgic for all the positive parts of your relationship and work to recreate those

-OPEN-MINDED to the possibilities God may have for you and your partner.

-PRAY together, and pray specifically for your relationship, even when it is going well, don't forget to thank God for that.

-QUEEN, treat her like one, not the band, the royalty

-ROAM together. Traveling together strengthens a relationship

-SIMPLICITY. The most important relationship in the world is the two of you. It is that simple.

-TAKE TIME for each other and your relationship. This is a recurring theme, but be intentional about building, supporting and protecting your relationship by making and taking time for it.

-UNDERSTANDING is so key. Really work to understand your partner and what s/he needs from you to be the best s/he can be. Then provide that.

-VENTURE to new places and try new things together. Keep it fresh by sharing new experiences together and build your life around what you learn about yourself and each other from those experiences

-WAIT for each other. Sometimes you and your partner will not arrive at the same place together, so be patient and wait for each other. (both metaphorically and physically) Also, WAIT on each other, serve your partner with no expectation of anything except for the joy you should get from serving your partner.

-XYLOPHONE Couldn't come up with an "X" word, and xylophone is always my default.

-YEARN for each other. Yearn for the success of your partner, the happiness of your partner and the love of your partner. Yearn together.

-ZANINESS. Described as foolishness or passion, be comfortable being a passionate fool for your partner.

In the "better half" equation, there is no doubt that Jessica is my "better half." She moderates me in a good way and loves me more than I could ever hope for. Thanks for 8 great years, and here is to 80 more!